Crosswired?

It may not have been a night at the Playboy Mansion, but I went Skydiving with a few friends on Saturday morning. The experience was surreal, and strangely enough, I experienced no adrenal response to it whatsoever.

Later that evening, during a live tournament, I was forced all-in by the big blind with a Q9 diamond suited. UTG raised all-in, seat 6 called, and they each flipped up pocket jacks. When I made the flush on the turn, I was hit by that familiar monster rush of adrenaline, and later when I stopped long enough to think about it, realized just how fucked up that is.

I've been thinking about it frequently ever since, and I have decided that the lack of response to jumping out of the plane was probably due to shock. Thinking back on the situation, everything is sort of hazy and daydream like, to the point that I could probably be convinced that it didn't actually happen. Shock makes for a perfectly valid explanation.

As for poker, that moment is still crystal clear in my mind, but I can't rationalize the adrenal response.

I could almost understand it if the "fight or flight" had kicked in before I won the hand, but I've been in enough similar hands to know that it doesn't, and in fact, I only get the rush after I've won a very large or critical pot. Losing the hand brings only that momentary sickness of stomach.

So why the adrenaline? There is clearly no need for either "fight" or "flight" after winning a hand. I haven't figured it out yet, but I suspect it's important to understanding more about myself, and about my game.

-Tommy