An Early Dry Spell

I've already broken the "post every day" rule, and broken it good, but I haven't really had anything to say the last few days. No news is good news, right? I still don't have anything worth saying, but I figure I'm long overdue to talk about nothing.

In the last few days, I've stopped the bleeding, and have been consistently making money, but honestly not enough to even buy myself dinner. I do think my game has improved though, partly from the site I've been playing on, and partly from reading (Sklansky's "Theory..." in particular), but it's hard to tell for sure.

Tomorrow I plan to stop torturing myself with the stiff competition, and am going to start playing on another site... one that I've heard is a bit fishier. Hopefully, the weekend of practice and study will start to pay off.

Nothing is guaranteed though.

-Tommy

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Let's Hope the First Week is the Hardest

I've been getting beat on all day, which honestly, has been the trend for a few days in a row now. I'm still up for the week overall, but not by much, and I'm certainly starting to have doubts again.

Part of it may just be the new site that I'm clearing deposit bonuses on. The players on there regularly comment that the play there is tougher than other rooms, and it isn't hard to see that just from watching any table for a few seconds, but that just confuses me more. Why play a game where the odds are approaching even when there are fish all over the other sites? Stupid deposit bonuses. I'm all for the bonus whoring to supplement my winnings, but if it means the $/hr slow down, it's not worth it.

Also, I know that statistically, there are going to be good days and bad days, good months and bad months, but in just as many days as I decided I should go pro, I'm back to wondering if I'm really cut out for it as anything more than a hobby, to supplement the income from a real job.

I'm gonna jump into a freeroll on a fish site, then go have a drink and think about it.

-Tommy

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Sweet Sweet Loots

Today I got my first poker books... "The Theory of Poker" by David Sklansky, "Harrington on Hold'em" by Dan Harrington, "Caro's Book of Poker Tells" by Mike Caro, a new puzzle toy made by Hoberman... and I got them all just for playing poker.

I think that's really cool.

As I mentioned yesterday in The Rules, any money made from the advertising of the products and services that I am about to discuss will go to a good charity. You really only have my word on that, and "good charity" may be a subjective thing, but what matters is that my conscience will be clean regarding the pimping that follows.

Shortly after I started playing for real money, I was playing at a limit table, working on clearing a deposit bonus, when one of the players asked if anybody else at the table had used Instant Bankroll. A second player claimed that they had, and was glad that he did. I looked it up online, and my first instinct was that it had to be a scam.

I was a bit pissed off when I found out it wasn't.

You see, by the virtue of my having played for real money already, I was no longer valid, and never can be. I could have seeded this entire venture with no money down, but because I didn't look into any of that stuff ahead of time, I was out of luck.

Poker Source Online is the site that runs the Instant Bankroll program, and their plan, basically, is that they share the money they make from referring you to various online poker rooms with you. Referral kickbacks.

I had already been thinking about moving my funds from one site to another to "Bonus Whore" my way into some free money, so I decided to give PSO a test run with one of the promotions they were running that I would be eligible for. Reading through the forums (doing my homework this time), I found out that they have upgrades for certain sites, and decided to try one of those sites for my first time, for $90 in Amazon.com gift certificates.

The picture above is the result, and the entire experience was a satisfying one. The guys that run PSO are friendly and helpful, and the few problems that I had were my own fault, but always handled professionally and quickly. I've actually met some of the other players from the PSO forums in various rooms online, and every one of them has been enjoyable company at the table. Also, now that I'm a member, I can participate in the freerolls that they run from time to time... though I didn't perform so well in the one I was in.

So now I am waiting for my seed funds to clear the withdrawal process, in order to move on to another site and do it all over again. And I can recommend PSO with clear conscience to anyone who is either interested in trying online poker for real money, or is already in the game.

-Tommy

P.S. I'll be sure to post my thoughts on the books as I read them, but the toy I'm absolutely in love with.

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The Rules

I already mentioned that yesterday was a good day, and as I drank late into the night, and woke up this morning feeling refreshed, one thought remained throughout... I can really do this.

I'm going to attempt to make a living playing poker. It remains to be seen if I have what it takes, or if I've just been incredibly lucky thus far... but there is no reason not to go for it right now.

I literally have zero responsibilities. No wife (or kids), no job, no debt (being completely out of debt is a wonderful feeling I recommend in and of itself). The only thing that could be remotely considered a responsibility is that I need to pay my cut of the rent and utilities, lest my roomate find himself homeless unexpectedly, and I think I can cover that for awhile yet. Oh, and having food money would be nice too.

So be it. No time like the present.

But we must have rules.

Rule #1. I am not a fucking blogger.

Not to offend any proud bloggers out there. But it's not what I am, nor what I want to be. I want to be a poker player who just happens to keep an online journal regarding his progress, and thoughts on the matter. If for no other reason than so that I can read back through it in a year and laugh hysterically at myself. Plus, it'll keep me honest.

My intent is to (force myself to) make an entry daily, but I may occasionally skip a day, or even make two entries on the same day. I definitely won't be making any entries from August 29th to September 5th.

And because I'm not a blogger, I won't be posting about news in the poker world and I won't be posting what other blogs are talking about unless it has some direct relation to my own thoughts. There are already people who do both already, better than I ever could, and none are hard to find.

I won't ever post about actual money amounts when relating my thoughts. I think things are better left relative. If I tell you I just won "a lot of money", I want you to think "a lot of money", because as soon as I relate that it was $100 the story is ruined. 100 dollars is a paltry sum to some people, country and castle to others, and completely immaterial to conveying the feeling involved with winning a lot of money.

But to recap the most important bit, I am not aspiring to be a journalist who plays poker, I want to be a (damned good) poker player with a journal.

Rule #2. No shilling.

From time to time (and starting very soon), I will be recommending products and services based no my personal experience. Because there is no good reason not to collect the referral money for such products and services, I intend to.

And then I will give it all away to charity.

This is the only way that I can avoid the inevitable conflict of interest, and feel confident in my recommendations.

I may or may not make the amounts known. There are pros and cons for both sides of the coin here, open accounting of funds or the anonymity of donations. I need to think about it more.

Also, I haven't decided what charity it will be. I am making investigations into various organizations that I feel will be appropriate. Gamblers Anonymous was my first pick because admittedly, I am embarking on a career of taking money from people with mental health issues. This is probably the hardest thing about the idea of being a professional poker player for me, but if I give something back, I can feel better knowing that other people wouldn't, and I can perform a kind of service. Or maybe I'm bluffing myself.

Regardless, Gamblers Anonymous won't take donations from outside the organization as they pride them selves on being self-sufficient. I have to respect that and continue my search for another charity... or join Gamblers Anonymous in an attempt to trick them into accepting my money, which I find amusing. I can be the first subversive philanthropist ever. I wonder what the punishment for that is if I get caught.

Rule #3. No more money in, only out.

This may end up being a soft rule, if the circumstances ever warrant, but as it is now, my fledgling poker career is completely paid for and running on profit. I have withdrawn my initial online bankroll, and everything I'm playing with now would not have existed otherwise.

I'd like to keep it that way.

I can see this getting twisted a bit down the line though if my only form of income is poker. Then it's just a stupid rule with no practicality whatsoever. I may have to define it better at a later date, but for now it stands.

Rule #4. Develop a plan for poker.

I need to figure out when to move up in stakes, change games, get into tourneys, go to a real poker room for the first time, etc.

I'd rather not continue to do this off the hip like I have been, but I haven't given it enough thought yet either. I need to take it more seriously.

At least I finally ordered some poker books!

Rule #5. Develop a plan for life.

I've never really had a "plan for life", but that's not entirely what I mean either. I need to setup some financial goals, get some savings locked down, all that adult stuff.

I need to look into how taxes and health care and all that shit is going to work.

This rule is especially important now that I'm giving up the concept of a guaranteed paycheck alltogether.

...

So there you have it. Thems the rules for now. If I were a wagering man, and I have already declared as much, I'd wager there will be more rules later.

-Tommy

P.S. Today I gave a little bit of yesterdays earnings back to the tables. But merely a fraction of it, and I am still hyped. I considered briefly growing the cajones to bare my financial soul for all the world to see, but then I remembered that it (thankfully) violated one of the corollaries of Rule #1.

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As if giving the world your bikini team wasn't enough...

When I was young, one of my favorite confections was the gummy red goodness known as swedish fish. I would often take my paper route money down to this little mom & pop shop near the speedline that sold them for a penny each, and buy bagfulls for myself, and on occasion my little sister. I just couldn't get me enough of them swedish fish.

Not much has changed.

Dear swedes, don't be angry with me, I'm not implying that your entire nation is bad at poker, but I have taken to seeking you guys out fairly regularly. Stockholm, Göteborg, Uppsala... when I right click and see your home town, I just have to get a seat. You play fast and hard, loose and aggressive, and I like your style.

On a more serious note, today was a good day. I stuck with the new limit, and made a killing this morning. Best day (profit wise) that I've had yet... the deck beating me senseless with cards, and I only put in 5 or 6 hours. I've been known to put in as much as 16.

And it wasn't just the limit rings either. After I got my roll up quite a bit, I decided to go work on my NL SNG game, and it went just as good... really good, because just as I did with my ring games, I moved up a level in buy-in for the SNG. In four games I came in 1st, 1st, 2nd, 9th. Yeah, the ninth sucks, but how the hell can I be upset about that?

Ironic too, because I was telling my roomate just last night that since I started playing rings, I lost my SNG skills.

I'm gonna go celebrate a little, while the feeling lasts.

-Tommy

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Wading into the river

With my spirits high from yesterdays minor recovery, I figured it was time to up my limit. After all, if the real money players are playing as bad as the play money fools, then it would stand to reason that the higher levels would be pretty much the same game, right?

Not quite.

I'm not trying to be misleading, I didn't jump straight into any high stakes games or anything like that... still playing Low Limit Hold'em, but moved up a level in stakes.

I'm still not sure, but I'd swear the other players were looser. More agressive as well. It could just be that I wasn't comfortable playing for twice what I'm used to... I need to learn to look at my chips relative to the blind values, and not as real money.

I don't think a single session is enough to go on, so I'm gonna try it on for a few days. The deck wasn't cold, nor my game any worse than normal... (I think) everything was just a little wilder than I'm used to. More aggressive too. A lot of heavy pre-flop betting just to fold to the first bet post-flop.

Basically, I just had to tighten up my play a little bit, and go with it. My win/loss was all over the place, but in the end, fairly close to even... Maybe down a hair, but not enough to bother me. I'm gonna stick at this new limit for a few more days, see how it goes.

-Tommy

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Of Beasties Boys, Bad Beats, and Being Blessed

I got money, I got juice
I got to the party and I got loose
...
I got ill, I got busted
I got dust and I got dusted

What are the odds that just as I'm about to type this post, trying to figure out how and where to start, that the song quoted above should begin to play in the background?

Not as bad as you'd think actually. Anyone that knows me knows that I listen to an inordinant amount of Beastie Boys. Timeless wisdom.

This ... journal ... almost died out as quickly as it started. Yesterday was a bad day, and it took a toll on me mentally and emotionally that I thought I was prepared for, but clearly wasn't.

There was this members only freeroll tournament held at Poker Source Online (more about them some other time) for which the first place prize was "$10,000 US Poker Championship entry at the Trump Taj Mahal".

There were only 232 entrants.

I knew I was going to win.

I knew this in much the same way that I knew I'd be drunk within an hour of winning it... and I get drunk 7 nights a week... and there are 6 bars within walking distance of my house... and by walking distance I mean it takes as long (or longer) to drive to them as it does to walk. Viva Las Vegas, Baby.

I'm sure at this point it's obvious where this story is going, but I'm not one to jump to the end too quickly.

The morning and afternoon went pretty smoothly. My head was in the right place, and my game was tight. Made a fair amount playing ring games, working off a deposit bonus, with a group of players that were chatty in that amicable, no hostilities kind of way that makes you (almost) feel bad about taking their money. A few hours left to go till the tourney starts, and I decide to take a break to get some household chores done, and clear my head proper before my big break.

I knew I was going to win. Knew.

I've got the TV going in the living room, cable radio, reggae channel or some such while I'm washing dishes, when suddenly it goes dead silent... "hrm, did the cable just go out?"

Panic.

I rush into my office and check. Yup. The internet is out too. Tourney starts in 30 minutes.

Quick call to a friend on the far side of town, "Dude, your internet out?".

"Nope."

"Mine is, I might call you back in a second.", I may have clarified this statement, but if I did I didn't need to. This is one of my closer friends who hears me talking about my new hobby at least once a day. Many of them knew about this tournament for a few days, though I doubt any of them realized how much of myself I had invested. It's one of those things you talk about afterwards, when you've already won, never before, and there is a reason it is done this way.

Call another friend, "Hey man, is your internet out?"

"Lemme check... nope."

"Can I come over and take over your office and computer for a few hours?"

"Since when do you need to ask?", but I barely even hear it as I'm hanging up, because I don't need to, it's just good protocol. I am blessed with incredible friends.

I arrive 15 minutes later, with a case of Coke, a bag of chips, and my guilty-secret (I'm both kinds of vegan), a couple bags of M&Ms.

"You all set man? What do you need?", I hear him asking before he even speaks.

"Nothing, just peace, so I can keep my head till this is done."

"No problem. I'll tell the others."

There are a few other people in the house, yet none of them hovers, talks, or bothers me in anyway untill I am done, so none of what is about to transpire can be placed on their shoulders.

It was ugly before it got ugly. I don't even remember any specific hand. I played too many, played them poorly, and was just totally off my game. I had let the stress get to me, and the competition here was not to be laughed at or taken lightly. Thirty minutes into it, there were still well over 200 players left of the initial 232. I know this because thirty minutes into it was when I was in the middle of a hand that I finally had the cards to win with when I got the message, "You have been disconnected, because this account had been logged into from another computer".

The internet back home is working again, and I'm a moron.

That was all she wrote. I only missed the one hand and got back in the game a moment later, but it hardly mattered. It drug out for another 30 minutes, but I don't remember any real details. There were no bad beats, or stupid moves by lucky idiots, or anything... I just blew it.

I busted out at #200 of 232.

I think this was nothing more than the amount of time it took to weasel away the blinds of the 32 players that didn't show up.

I lost $10,000.

Yeah, I know it isn't technically true, but it has taken me more than 24 hours to come to terms with the fact that I never actually had that money. I truly knew (not believed, knew) that I was going to win that money. I lied to every friend I told about the tourney in advance, "I know there is no way I'm going to win this tourney, but I'm excited about it anyhow". Lied to their faces. I knew I was going to win.

Then I was did something really stupid. My head was in the wrong place, and even knowing that I went home to start grinding back some of the 10k I had just lost. But instead I dumped a lot. I lost everything I'd made that morning and then some.

In the two weeks that I have been playing, I haven't sufferend any real losses at all, and I've been making a surprising amount of money. Surprising to me, your milage may vary. I won't insult anyone by posting amounts here. The point is that now I can't stop giving away money. You'd think I would have stopped at $10,000.

Stupid fish.

I stopped. I went out drinking. I drank like the stupid fish that I am. The night got worse in ways not worth documenting, and I got drunker.

This morning I woke up. Clear head as usual. I am the only person I know that can drink untill the black outs kick in, and feel perfectly ok the next day. I don't know if this is a side effect of being an alcoholic, or the root cause of it.

Get something to drink (non alchoholic), sit down at the computer. Debate playing for a moment, but fuck it, there's still money in the account, I'll play a little in the background while I read my morning news and shit.

Tao of Poker is the first thing I check. This is pure habit, as the WSOP is over, and although I still need my WSOP news fix, there is no WSOP left to provide Pauly news to be reported. I move on.

Fifteen minutes later and I'm back. This fucking habit will take me a week to break. It is as bad as the urge to read slashdot every 5 minutes, even though I know there is nothing new there, I keep checking it.

Game is going good, I'm up about 1/3 of what I dumped last night.

Nothing else to read, so I start looking around Pauly's site, and am reading my way down the "Quality Posts" on his sidebar when I come across, "Sink or Swim: The Biggest Night of My Life".

I'm about halfway through it when I realize just how close to home this has the potential to be. I'm sick to my stomach the whole time, feeling that knot from last night. This isn't sympathy I'm feeling, this is self pity. There is nothing to worry about for him, the post is positive, an online pschying up of hisself. It's just that unlike me, he had the guts to put his shit out there for everyone to see before the hand, whereas I'm a total pussy, confessing my lies after getting caught. And by the very nature of having read his post earlier today, I'm not even being that original about it.

Game is going pretty well, I'm actually almost even.

I scroll up looking for the post that must inevitably follow. Ouch. Bummer. But hey, obviously not the end of the word for him, he seems to be doing pretty good these days, and appears to be blessed with good friends.

It occurs to me I'm even on my losses from last night.

It's sunday evening, and I make the call I make every sunday evening, to the friend who's computer I took over last night, "Hey man, what you up to?".

"Hanging out, watching TV, you coming over?"

"It's sunday ain't it?"

"Alright man, see you in a few."

Hop in the car, 15 minutes later I'm hanging out in my friends kitchen, eating one of the vegan burritos that they keep stocked for me out of fear that I might starve to death if I don't eat their food on Sunday nights.

"So, you ok? You left here awfully fast last night, but I figured you'd be ok...", this conversation is no surprise. Mostly protocol.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just got my head in a weird place."

"So you done with poker then, or are you still gonna make millions?"

I'll be fucking damned if I'm not going to try.

I give it to him straight, "I've made a fair amount of money in the past few weeks, and I've never even read a poker book yet. Statistically, the losses are gonna happen. I'll learn to deal with it better.", and I make a mental note that the book situation is something I need to change in the very near future.

"Cool.", he replies, and we go watch TV. I make a mental note to keep up with the posting when I get home. I may be a stupid fish, but I'm not going out like this, not on the first beating.

I make another mental note.

I am blessed with incredible friends.

-Tommy

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In the beginning...

I have always considered myself to be a hardcore gamer, especially when it comes to PvP (Player vs. Player), but lately, the games just haven't been doing it for me.

When it first launched, I was a huge fan of World of Warcraft. I had several max level characters, had been to all of the major areas, etc, but then they ruined the game for me. All the while I was playing, I was merely awaiting the release of the ever-promised PvP part of the game, but instead they implemented some stupid "honor system", which basically meant that the more time you put in, the higher you are rated, and then you get better stuff, which helps you hold your higher rating (along with putting more time in), and has absolutely nothing what-so-ever to do with skill.

This is a trend in online gaming that has absolutely been killing me... WoW wasn't the first game, nor the last, to break my heart that way.

Right about the time this happened, Guild Wars was being released. They made promises of basing the whole game around PvP... Fair PvP. What it turned out to be was an endless grind, attempting to "unlock" the necessary pieces required to play the PvP side of things, and just as I was getting exactly that done (3 characters of all 6 classes, with every skill unlocked... no small feat, as any GW player will confirm), they made changes that, for me, trumpeted the downward slide into, "play more, not better".

I understand this trend, and I could write hours upon hours about it, and certainly my closest friends have listened to many a drunken oral dissertation on it already, but it doesn't pertain to poker, so we're moving on.

From time to time, throughout my life, I have always come back to playing poker in one form or another. The last few years, it has always been what I do in my downtime between whatever online game has just lost my attention and whichever one will become my next gaming obsession. During these "between games" breaks, I seem to watch a lot of TV. But although watching TV is partly addictive (just HAVE to see what comes next), it is also far too passive (I get bored easily), and a good SNG on my laptop is the perfect compliment to whatever advertising-laden crap I'm consuming at the time.

But this time, this break, for some reason, was different.

Playing in the free rooms has always bothered me, but this time, I just couldn't take it. I was getting pissed off on every single play. "No fucking WAY would that jackass do that if he had real money on the line!", screamed at the top of my lungs, at least a dozen times an hour...

Turns out I couldn't have been more wrong, but we'll get back to that.

It was crystal clear (again, at the time) to me that the only reason I did so well on the free tables is because nobody there had anything to lose, and therefore didn't mind dumping their chips to me. I wasn't playing the real game. The only way I was going to be able to truly enjoy poker would be to play for real money.

Understand that normally, I'm a rather impulsive guy, but the timing was bad for me. Having gone through some bad shit recently, I honestly didn't even know how I was going to pay my rent, so I made the right call and decided to put it off.

The next day, as I was running over my financial situation, I realized that not only did I have enough money to pay the rent, but I had an extra fifty laying around, so I'd be able to eat this week too...

or play poker.

This is why I'll probably never be a professional poker player. I make bad decisions. Sure, this particular story has a happy ending, but the end doesn't justify the means, and in poker, shit catches up with you. Ask any fish. Actually, don't bother, the reason they're fish is because they don't quite understand that part yet.

So about 5 minutes after realizing I have food money, I decide to get serious. Being the smart fellow I am, I google for the most popular online poker room (not the best), for what should be obvious reasons.

Find it. Make my first deposit. Hop into a $10+$1 SNG.

Adrenaline.

I think to myself at this point, "I'm fucked". I haven't gotten adrenaline from a game in at least 5 years. The last time I specifically remember it was playing on a PK MUD a long time ago... and I must admit, I'm a junkie for it. Not a single card has hit the table, and I'm already high.

It gets better though. I'm on the button. Cards are dealt, I get the bullets, no shit. Everyone folds all the way to me, and I'm devastated, but not wanting to scare off the blinds, and any potential future income, I just call. Flop comes Ace - somethin - somethin. A good poker player would probably remember what the other two were, but I don't.

SB bets minimum. BB goes all-in...

What.. the... fuck?

I stared at my screen. No flush draw, no straight draw, no way he has anything higher than me. Maybe he has two pair. Maybe one of them is an ace. Maybe he flopped a set too. Doesn't matter... I call.

Again, I don't remember what the guy had, except that he didn't have a fucking thing. Not even a pair. I knew then that I was fucked... not on that hand obviously, and not for that SNG (I placed 2nd), but for life.

How wrong I was all those times I'd yelled with confidence, "No fucking WAY would that jackass do that if he had real money on the line!". I swear that they play just as bad in the real money games. Maybe even worse, as some of them appear to be just plain desperate.

This is exactly what I've always wanted in a game. Me versus any taker. A rating system that is clearly defined (by bankroll), and perfectly accurate. I was happy, amazed, fucking euphoric, and know even now that even though I'll probably never go pro, I'll definitely be supplementing my income with poker.

At least, I hope so, because deep down in my gut, I know that every fish before me has felt the same.

-Tommy

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Clearly, I've lost it for good

As if it wasn't bad enough that I've decided to turn into a fish, and give away my money online, I really have to document it?

And worse, I have decided to document it by... nevermind, I can't use that word just yet. I'm still in denial.

It's funny. Everyone that knows what they're talking about will tell you that the key to poker is making the right decisions, but I'm not sure that I'm taking that advice well. I suppose only time will tell, but the QotD on Google's personalized page concerns me.

"About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends." - Herbert Hoover

-Tommy

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